Motherhood Identity Crisis
“What is matrescence?”
As someone known for being prepared and doing all of the research, I hadn’t heard this term before my post-partum anxiety and return to work woes sent me into a Google spiral trying to answer, “What has happened to me?!” I don’t know how I stumbled upon this word, I was in the depths of Google, but let me tell you when I found it OH MY GOSH, I couldn’t stop reading.
Okay, so what is it?!
In short, it’s the process of becoming a mother and is the biggest internal transition people go through besides adolescence. In this process, every mom goes through this identity crisis questioning, who I am, what do I want, and what’s important to me. We feel fundamentally different. Can you relate? Matrescence can make even the most grounded, high-achieving women feel lost. (Hi – it me.)
And not enough of us are talking about this.
People tell you things will change after becoming a mom, and we know this to be true on some level, but no one really talks about how. No one tells you your entire identity is supposed to change and literally nothing will go untouched. As a chronic researcher, I believe there’s power in knowing. Knowing this shift is not only by God’s design, but there’s scientific proof to validate all your feels. Basically, what this means is that after becoming a mom, it’s normal to start asking who am I and what do I want?
And as a working mom, with that will come other normal questions like:
Do I really want to go back to work?
What are my priorities now?
Why doesn’t work feel the same anymore?
Am I giving enough to my kids? To my job?
It’s also normal to…
Want to be with your child more than you want to work
Be excited or ready to go back to work
Feel like a failure because you can’t achieve in the same way as before
Want your work to change, to be more fulfilling (this is the #1 thing I’ve heard from working moms)
So, if you’re in the depths of your own Google spiral and need someone to say it, here it is, my friend —
Don’t worry.
You’re normal.
And if you’re wanting relief from the weight you’ve been carrying and want on the other side of this motherhood identity crisis, you must give yourself space to feel all the things that will allow you to answer 3 questions:
Who am I?
What do I value?
What do I want?
Answering these will help you regain clarity about what you want in your motherhood, career, and life. It may be easier said than done, but it’s necessary to move through this transition and come out on the other side more confident, more authentic, and ready to embrace your calling at home and in your career.
As you ponder, I leave you with this - find solace in knowing the motherhood identity crisis is 100% normal. It’s called matrescence. The first step is acknowledging this shift. Then you must hold yourself accountable to answer these questions. You must give intentional space to processing the transition.
You can do this. I can help.
